Reader Richard James Roundtree shares some classic quips he’s heard in junior cricket games that he’s umpired.

Fielder to batsmen

‘I’ve seen a better cut from a broken bottle.’

‘I’ve seen a better shot in a bar.’

‘I knew you could never pull… it off.’

After a batsmen hit a glorious 6: ‘Well, that was a bit short… is that all you got?’ (The batsmen went out the next ball!)

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Batsman to his batting partner

‘Is your father a surgeon? You cut the field in two.’

– Richard James Roundtree

Photo: HamishBlair/Allsport